


Let Me Tell You The Problem With Jesse McCree.

by TalesOfBelle



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: First Person Perspective, Gen, Monologue, history lesson with calamity ashe, real 'ma'am this is a wendy's' energy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 775
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25399759
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TalesOfBelle/pseuds/TalesOfBelle
Summary: Elizabeth Caledonia Calamity Ashe tells us the problem with Jesse McCree.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Let Me Tell You The Problem With Jesse McCree.

"Let me tell you the problem with Jesse McCree, he's always loved that god-damned bike.

Ever since I got it he's loved that bike, and at first it was kinda hot, thought it was sweet. Didn't quite think it was the bike, just figured he liked the way I looked on it. Big engine between my legs, the power, the roar, the way it'd kick up dust and I'd just be a blur of red and white leaving only burned rubber behind. He once called it my 'steed'. You can imagine him saying that, right? My 'steed'. From day one it'd be a problem, we'd have the perfect getaway in place and you know what Jesse god-damn McCree would say?

'We should use our bikes. It'll be faster.' Real insistent on it. Stopped being worth the fight way fast. And it's fine, right? Fella with a face like his wants to fawn over you and you give him a little sugar every now and then.

'Course that's not where it ends. Take for example the Harvey and Baster job. Simple bank hit, momma had bills to pay, a territory dispute to smooth over, and the fam back home had finally stopped bailing her out. 'For real this time. No take-backs. You're on your own, missy.' Tch, yeah. Jesse that-fucker McCree insists we getaway on our bikes, 'cause we're a biker gang. You know how hard it is to ride passenger on a hog while trying to shoulder a cool million in paper over each shoulder? You ever seen BOB on a bike?

And nah I didn't stutter - I said what I said. Riding passenger. 'Cause you know what happens when the shit hits the fan and we gotta high-tail it? Jesse tiny-dick McCree damn near shoves me out of the way to get on my bike first. Yells at me, 'There's no time Ashe! Just get on!' And I'm not about to throw a tantrum with sirens in the distance. So I got on the back. We get away, it's whatever, the heist was never the problem.

We have this big fuck-off garage back on the estate and way back then the door was a piece of shit that we kept forgetting to see to. You'd open it and it'd sound like the metal was screaming. I hear that one night and think some dumb-fuck's trying to steal from us, so I grab the viper and tell BOB to watch my back and get ready to put a hole or two in whoever it might be - but what do I see when I step into the garage?

Jesse bike-fucker McCree spotlit by this tiny little light over his head polishing my bike 'til it was shining red. Y'know he had the same expression on as my last boyfriend when I caught the dick in bed with another woman. He tells me the bike got scuffed up last time we took it out, like he was doing me a favour. And I know how it sounds - like I'm jealous of this thing? Nah. Not jealous. I just needed him to know that it was my god-damned bike.

And that ain't the only time it happens.

He'll call me crazy for it, but the odometer changed. I remembered those numbers, counted each mile, and I'm telling you now - Jesse turncoat McCree was taking my bike out on joyrides.

Each time I accused him of this shit, of this obsession - 'cause that's what it were - he'd brush it off. Just tell me, 'It's a cool bike, Ashe.' He'd just act like it was nothin', like I was reading into things. But I know what I saw. He loved that bike.

So you gotta understand my position when the train-hit happens. It was meant to be an easy enough job for us, all these things are automated, not a soul would be hurt. It'd just be an insurance write-off while I shuffle the weapons into more deserving hands. Then Jesse lizard-brain McCree steps up from the debris and the dust and he's telling us that some of the cargo ain't ours to take. Sure I peak inside and I see what it is and I know that shit is hot and I want it,

but there's this doubt that keeps nagging at me. I just can't get it out of my head. And you're gonna think I'm being ridiculous even after I tell you all this, but let me tell you the problem with Jesse McCree,

he's always loved that god-damned bike,

and I can't tell if he set that whole thing up just to steal it from me."


End file.
